Saturday, June 27, 2015

When enough is enough

Hi friends!

Sorry for the break- but that's what today's post is about.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but I've been so busy. I've been blessed recently with an abundance of life- friends, social events, work, more work, vacation opportunities, you name it, I've probably got it. I've even had the opportunity for a few dates- no, I haven't accepted them.

And the results of all this activity? Mixed, to say the least.

I have loved reconnecting socially with people- old friends, a few new. It's been simply amazing to hear their opinions, laugh at their jokes and just enjoy the company.
And the work isn't all bad either- stressful, and always a learning experience. But there's been plenty of it, to say the least.

And it all leaves me feeling... tired. Stressed.

My dad talks about "noise" a lot. Not noise like the sound of the highway out my window, or the sound of the wind or the clicking of the ceiling fan as it goes around. But mental noise- the kind that gets in your brain, keeps you from thinking. The kind that you're hearing when you enter a place, and although it might be silent, you can't truly relax there. My whole life, I've wanted my home to be peaceful- quiet, so to speak. But recently, between one thing and another, that's been difficult.

This is a common problem in my life- I fill my life up with things until I threaten to explode. Stress is still stress, even when it's good stress. But this busy-ness? This is my addiction. The need to be occupied every minute of every day, from the moment I wake up until the moment I drop from exhaustion is poisonous. Dangerous. I'm very extroverted. I love people. I need people. But I also need time to just be. That can be with another person, but right now, it usually isn't. And while that's ok,  it isn't alright for me to not take the time I need to unwind simply because someone isn't there to force me to do so.

So how do I break this addiction? How do I change this cycle now, before I'm down the road 20 years and a confirmed work-aholic? All I can do is make small changes, one at a time. All I can do is say "Enough is Enough".

Enough of too many side jobs so I can't focus on my day job and I don't take care of myself
Enough of hanging out with people who don't bring me joy.
Enough of projects that are more stressful than they're worth.
Enough of letting people guilt me into doing something that I don't enjoy or simply don't want to do in that moment.
Enough of taking work "for the experience"
Enough of taking on so much I don't have time to grow as a person and professional because I'm too busy jumping every time someone asks me to.

But also:

Enough of holding onto people and things that used to bring me joy but don't anymore
Enough of sacrificing my health and well being to other people's motives.
Enough of thinking that if I do the "right" things, I'll get ahead somehow.
Enough of letting my life get so out of control that I don't have time to take care of myself and my priorities.

Enough is enough.

Until next time~

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