Monday, March 4, 2013

headstrong and stubborn

Today I'm broaching a rather tricky subject, but I'm thinking about it, and well, here we are.

To quickly catch you up with my life:
  • I have an incredibly wonderful relationship with a man I'll call J. We've been together for about 5 months or so, and I swear I've never felt more right about things. 
  • So right, in fact, that I'm practically living with him. (That's a whole other blog post)
  • So right, in fact, that without even realizing what had happened, I've slipped into the role of home-maker. I'm buying groceries, cleaning the house, even occasionally cooking meals.
  • Yes, I'm still working- in fact, in addition to my day job, I'm working on two shows this Spring, one of which is for the professional theatre in town, so that's super exciting.
Ok, that about covers it. But here's my issue. Today, as I was vacuuming the carpets in the house, I realized that I was quickly becoming overwhelmed by the amount of work there is to be done on the house. It's been neglected for far too long, and for my own piece of mind, whether he notices or not, I like to have things cleaned. A quick google search later, and I had what I was looking for: a quick, easy to do list for weekly cleaning. It was on a lovely blog, Clearly, she has her life pretty together. She's been married for 24 years, has four kids, and if her cleaning schedule is any judge, lives a very comfortable, organized, clean life.

I am none of those things. Not a single one. But, what struck me the most was that this is yet another woman blogging who's blog is about being a Christian wife and mother. Now, I am a Christian. That's the way I was raised, and those are my beliefs. But the idea that women were intended to "serve" their husbands, and not to be their own women, or to hold her own place in the world makes me crazy. ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. I've said since I was a child that if I ever choose to put myself in a relationship with a man- and I have- that I will not settle for anything less than being a full partner in that relationship.

I will not be the woman that has no say in decision making.
I will not be the woman that takes her role in life from someone else, even her romantic partner.
I will not be the woman that says "yes, dear" even when her heart leads her somewhere else.
I will not be the woman that makes her man a sandwich.
I will not be the woman "pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen".

I have friends that want nothing more than to be stay at home wives and mothers, and I applaud them for that.

But I can't do it. I won't, and I resent the implication, both from friends and bloggers, that I am less of a woman because of it.  I'm working three jobs, plus commissions from my website, AND I'm managing to keep track of the house and groceries. I have earned my place in our relationship, and I won't give that up for anything. We are partners, taking life on one day at a time, together. He keeps the lights, heat, and internet on, and I keep the dust to a minimum and milk in the fridge. When it gets warm, I might even plant some flowers.

Because I am a woman, no matter what.